Homily at the Wedding of Matthew Rogalski and Katelyn Ristau
This past Saturday, Katelyn Rosamund, only daughter of Major the Revd Dr & Mrs Harold Ristau, was joined in holy wedlock with Matthew Adam Rogalski at St John’s Lutheran Church in Gasline, Ontario. Gottesblog readers will agree with me that the powerful homily preached by Fr Saulo Bledoff speaks to the heart of all who live in Christian matrimony and of all who contemplate entering into this holy estate.
HOMILY
HOLY MATRIMONY –MATTHEW AND KATELYN
Genesis 1:26-28 / Ephesians 5:1-2, 22-33 / Matthew 19:4-6
In the name of the Father and of the + Son and of the Holy Spirit. Amen.
Dear Church of God and beloved Bride of Christ; Dear Family and friends; My beloved children in the Lord, Matthew and Katelyn.
Our Wedding Rite is full of beautiful traditions and symbols that a preacher could use as an image to talk about Marriage. However, I will ask your permission to leave our English liturgy aside for a moment and seek an illustration from a distant country, in the interesting marriage rite used by the Christians of Croatia.
In Croatia, when the bride and groom enter the church on their wedding day, they carry a crucifix in their hands. When the time comes to exchange their vows, the bride puts her right hand on the crucifix and the groom puts his hand on hers, so that both hands are joined together touching the wounds of the crucified Christ. Using his stole, the presider ties their hands together with the crucifix as they exchange their vows. Then, instead of kissing each other, the bride and groom kiss the image of Jesus' body. After the ceremony, the newlyweds bring the crucifix to their home and put it in a place of honour. It will forever be the point of reference and the place of family prayer. In times of difficulty, the family do not go to the lawyer or to the marital counsellor, but kneel down together before the crucifix in search of help from the Crucified One. They kneel down asking the Lord and each other for forgiveness.
This moving image reminds us of a central aspect of marriage that has been practically forgotten today. Very different from what is said by the romantic nonsense of shallow movies, the image of a groom and a bride carrying a crucifix on their wedding day reminds us that by taking each other in marriage Matt and Kate are not taking their soulmate - the person who will be a perfect match for each one of them and will make them walk on the clouds for the rest of their lives. Deciding to take each other in marriage is deciding to take up a cross, a cross they will carry until death do them part.
But marriage is a cross not because there is something wrong and nasty in the nature of marriage itself. Quite the contrary, marriage was created in the perfection of Eden, as we heard in our first reading. In his wisdom and kindness, God gave marriage the exact design so that it works perfectly. He created the man to provide for the woman as if she were the most precious thing in the world. And the woman He created to help the man as if he were the centre of her existence. A perfect dance, in which each person thinks only of serving the other. A harmony so perfect that although man and woman live in separate bodies, it is as if they were one flesh, because they both share the same will, as if they were one single being: the will to work for the other. And putting the good of the other first, both live perfectly together, finding their purpose in life in each other and thus making each other completely happy and cared for.
That's why marriage is something that feels so good. Having been created in Eden, marriage still reflects that original perfection from before our fall. Marriage is a piece of the Paradise in which Adam and Eve lived, a piece of the Paradise preserved for us by God's mercy. This is why we desire marriage, and this is why we are so happy that you have found each other. We know by nature that the union of a man and a woman in marriage is a good thing. Everyone tells you this. And it's even better than what everyone says.
So I'm sorry, but since everyone already tells you this, today I won't talk to you about what everyone says. You don't even need me to talk about this part. You feel in your bones that this marriage will be a good thing. I'll talk about the other part. And now I return to my opening statement that marriage is also a cross. You don't need a word from me for when marriage feels like a piece of paradise, it will come naturally to you. It is for those times when marriage feels like a cross that you need a word from your spiritual father.
After our fall into sin, things were reversed. Now we have jagged edges and no longer fit into the original design established by God. Although husband and wife are still supposed to be and work like one single flesh, as our Lord says in one of our readings, they are no longer able to live perfectly as one flesh, as they now have two conflicting wills. Instead of having the priority of serving the other, now each one wants to bend and dominate the other so that their own will is met first.
It is for this reason that marriage can now feel like a cross for us. Not because there is something wrong with marriage itself, but because there is something very wrong and nasty in us. There is something in us that doesn't want to conform to what marriage is supposed to be. But as followers of Christ, my dear Matt and Kate, you know what you need to do. “If anyone desires to come after Me,” says the Lord, “let him deny himself, and take up his cross daily, and follow Me”. You will embrace this cross. Instead of fighting each other to get your way, you will fight against yourself, you will deny your own sinful will and selfish desires, and you will work to put each other ahead again.
Kate, our unbelieving society will tell you that you don't need to submit to any man and that you should put your own happiness before that of your husband and family. And Matt, the world will tell you that you don't need to provide for your wife, because women should be independent. Don't believe them. Flee from them as from the voice of the devil himself. This logic of the world is exactly what drives husband and wife away from each other. It is the selfish impulse of our nature that tells us that each person must think about themselves, thus creating two conflicting wills and making being one flesh more and more difficult. Jesus wants something else for the two of you.
Kate, from now on you will no longer serve your own interests, but just as Saint Paul says in one of our readings, you will submit to Matt as to the Lord, for the husband is the head of the wife just like Christ is the head of the Church. And Matt, you will be Kate's head, not to lord it over her and use her, but to care and provide for her, to nourish and cherish her just as the head naturally nourishes and cherishes its own body - to give yourself to her just as Christ gave Himself for the Church to the point of dying for her. And so, by serving each other and focusing on each other, you will once again bring balance to what sin has unbalanced. Your married life will be a long journey of relearning to conform to the original design of marriage as instituted by God.
However, although the demands of marriage feel like a cross to us rebellious sinners, remember that the cross is an instrument of salvation. The Cross was the instrument through which God saved the world, and the cross of marriage will be an instrument that God will use for your salvation, because through marriage God will take you to the Cross of Christ.
Remember the image I used at the beginning of this sermon. Remember the bride and groom placing their hands on the crucifix when pledging fidelity to each other, and later kneeling before that same crucifix in times of trouble. It is there, in the holy wounds of Jesus that you will find the strength to be faithful to what you will promise each other before God today. You do not have in yourselves the wisdom and motivation to sacrifice yourselves for each other in accordance with the words of the vows you will exchange, and therefore you need to seek this from Jesus, the one who is the source of all love and self-giving sacrifice.
As you look at the wounds of Jesus, wounds that were opened because of His love for each of you, you will be motivated and learn to sacrifice yourselves in love for one another. You will learn to crucify your selfish passions and give yourself to the other. But there will come times when your sinful nature will speak louder, and you will fail to fulfil what you promised. And in these moments the cross of marriage will once again take you to the Cross of Jesus. Your failures in your marriage will remind you that there is something wrong and insufficient in each of you and you need a Saviour. And in those same wounds of the crucified Christ you will find forgiveness and restoration, and from the forgiveness you received from Him, you will receive the strength to forgive one another. The wounds of Jesus can heal much more than any counsellor.
So yes, marriage will sometimes feel like a cross, but it is a sweet, healing, saving cross. So that when the sufferings of marriage show their face, you will view them in a way that is contrary to the way unbelievers view them. Faced with the sufferings of married life, the world says it's time to end the marriage – “Oh, it doesn't make me have butterflies in my stomach like it did at the beginning, it's time to end it”. No, on the contrary, you will embrace this suffering. You will not throw away the cross that you are taking up today, but you will embrace it even tighter, with the faith of one who knows that this cross is saving you from your selfishness, is helping you to crucify your sinful passions, and is helping to keep you united to Christ. It hurts not because there is something wrong with the marriage and I need to break free of it, but because there is something wrong with me. I am the one who needs forgiveness and to learn to love as my Lord does, and this marriage is precisely the instrument that my Lord is using to teach me that. This marriage is a cross to love and to carry with me; a cross that is not to throw away but to treasure dearly as I treasure the Cross of my Saviour.
Today you were brought to this altar guided by the image of the crucified Christ, and by this same image you will be led out of this Church after being declared husband and wife. This is a visual reminder that you are taking up your cross today and following the crucified Christ. He will be at the front guiding you through your marriage and you will follow Him. And close to this crucified Christ you must remain. To stay united with each other, you both need to first stay united with Jesus and His sacrifice. The closer each of you is to Jesus, the closer you will be to each other. The crucified Jesus is the meeting point of your union. United to His cross you will learn what it is to truly love. Something that is much better and much deeper than the shallow passion of any fairy tale. Herein lies real goodness, beauty, and happiness, not in fulfilling our sinful desires, but in being conformed again to the perfect purpose of our Creator. This life here is nothing and our selfish desires are an illusion, but united with Christ you two can spend this life in such a way so as to be reunited in the life to come, without any fear of separation. Amen.
And now, may the God of peace equip you with everything good that you may do His will, working in you that which is pleasing in His sight, through Jesus Christ, to whom be glory forever and ever. Amen.
Rev. Saulo A. Peiter Bledoff, p.
Preached on September 9th, 2023 ATD
At St. John’s Lutheran Church – Gasline, Port Colborne