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A blog of the Evangelical Lutheran Liturgy

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Year End Love Mail Round Up!

Not all comments get published on the blog. Most of them do, but many are just no-value added. Some of them are really funny, though. So I wanted to share with you some of the “love mail” we receive. They are a hoot, and they prove the old saying attributed to Dr. Luther: “When you toss a stick into a pack of dogs, the one that yelps is the one that got hit.”

Please keep it rolling in for Anno Domini 2023!

  • I feel like you’re the kind of person to shoot up a gay club and leave behind some sort of Alex Jones style manifesto. [Facts don’t care about your feelings, but this video , made to make fun of Alex Jones, is always a hoot!]

  • I am glad Gottesdienst is getting their chance to exhibit their inner edgelord, but perhaps they could simply do it in a more typical way like a lip ring or a heavy metal devotion, not in a way that publicly shames Christendom, Confessional Lutheranism, and Christ on the altar of edginess. [Some of our editors have had piercings (though that’s so nineties these days), and several of us still listen to metal. What is amazing to some people, is that we don’t do it for clicks or to be edgy. We don’t care. What you see is what you get. Zero you-know-whats given. You’ll hopefully achieve this devil-may-care attitude when you turn fifty. It’s one of the few good things about getting older.]

  • It's weird that you would attack scripture and mostly gottesdienst readers. [That’s just what we do! The kids love it.]

  • What a dumb battle for you to waste your time on Pastor. [Maybe so, but it’s better than the Charge of the Light Brigade]

  • Grow a spine you coward. [Point well taken, Mr. Anonymous.]

  • I'll be blunt. This was not a good blog. It sounded like a woman yelling the entire time. No Scripture was ever cited. [Alanis Morrisette just called. She’s writing a new verse to “Ironic.”]

  • This article is beneath the usual quality of this journal and blog. [Mission Accomplished!]

  • When the Son of Man returns, will He find faith in Missouri? Who is left to uphold the Scriptures? [Yeah, He better just head over to the ELCgAy instead…]

  • Larry Beane, you have sided in with a modern deception called closed communion. The closed communion coercive formula is not a Biblical formula of true fellowship with God, but it is a preferred formula…. Because you post your false practice, contrary to what Luther expounded of the Scriptures, now commenters, like me can see them and confront them without your sinful and self fulfilling mouth! You better watch it! I am planning a kind visit [We’ll keep the light on for you! Still waiting for that kind visit! You’re not getting communion, though.]

  • Ah yes the annual celebration of the man who brought disease, genocide, and centuries of slavery to North America. [You’re welcome! There’s more where that came from!]

  • Boomer tier garbage. It’s not a lack of bootstraps why trannies want to rape your kids. [Next time you quote Proverbs, please give us chapter and verse.]

  • Having a narrow mind and inability to change your beliefs as times change. [Thank you!]

  • Imagine being the minister, or any member of the immediate community, and learning about this apoplectic reaction by some members of the LCMS. The relational and reputational damage in the local community is incalculable. [If only Polycarp had been a little more open minded for the sake of the community…]

  • Is God really so insecure that God cannot stand to be referred to in feminine terms? [Shouldn’t we stick with God’s ‘preferred pronouns’?]

  • This is literally satan. Satan has the LCMS in its grasp, and he’s winning. Demonic inversion runs rampant. Pastors are unrepentant communists. [You have only your chains to lose, Comrade.]

  • Will this be pulled down? [No, I would encourage you to keep them on when you’re in public.]

  • An equally bad article! [But look at the bright side. Equally is better than getting worse (best construction, and all that).]

  • Jordan Peterson is a cannibal with Wendigo psychosis. [And he makes a great chicken casserole. Only it’s not chicken…]

  • Ordination is a tradition. It is no more holy than a potluck. Their is no gift conferred by laying on of hands. [Questioning the sanctity of potlucks is an excommunication offense in Lutheranism.]

  • If you're a Lutheran, why do you hold the Dominionist stance? [It’s nothing more than a collar preference. Some guys wear the “dominator,” other guys go with the half-incher.]

  • The only tyranny here is your lack of nuance and being unable to be tolerant towards others who read the same Bible as you do while coming away with slightly different convictions (even others within the LCMS nevertheless!) [Thank you!]

  • May God work His Spirit within you so that you may see the error of your ways before you can spread even more poison than you already have with your little vendetta piece against me. You've struck me once, and I'm here to turn the other cheek. Only because I love you as a brother in Christ, even though you're more of a wretch than you seem able to admit. Peace be unto you and yours. [Peace be with you too, brother!]

  • Once more, you prove that Lutheran pastors care more about trivialities than the Gospel. Have you ever used the second absolution in Setting 1 of the Worship Service? When you said, “…He gives them power to become the children of God …” did it occur to you that this is contradicts the Gospel? Mathew 23:24, “You blind guides, straining out a gnat and swallowing a camel!” Peace and Joy! [Peace and Joy!]

  • Whoa. Didn't realize LCMS was made up of such medieval nut cases. Good luck going back to the 17th century! [The 17th century was horrible. Too much Pietism. Now the 16th, those were the good old days!]

  • This article is nasty, mean, and sanctimonious. You should be ashamed. [This is awesome! It should go on the masthead.]

  • God didn't make any accidents of demography. This is unchristian. Repent Boomer. [Gen-X laughs at you in 80s slang!]

  • I am a boomer, a conservative evangelical Lutheran boomer. You all have become offensive, goodbye. [You know what I’m going to say. Wait for it… “OK Boomer!”]

  • This is FOX news fear-mongering entering into the church, not Marxism. [Okay, who’s going to break it to him that FOX NEWS is moderate…]

  • I’m a lifelong Lutheran but this article just sounds to me like the Gospel according to Fox News. [You should hang out with the previous guy…]

  • I mourn for our Synod. A Pastor pushing sinful, Nazi ideas. [Literally Hitler?]

  • Perhaps someone who makes such outrageous statements as you have here should be removed from Office…. You sound like a moron! [Well, not everyone can be as eloquent and deep-thinking as you are.]

  • Of course the unvaccinated can be saved- which is good, because statistically a lot of them have been meeting Jesus lately. [That comment didn’t age well, did it?]

  • Absolution is a fiction of the University of Paris in the 12th century. [Indeed, and Holy Communion began as a prank between Harvard and Yale in 1803. We would have gotten away with it too, if it weren’t for you meddling kids.]

  • I realize that this is a humorous post, but really, what is the purpose in idolizing a theologian who is funny because it brings about a knowing smile to read about him “stamping out Lutheranism.” [Praise the Lord, guy!]

  • The Satanic Temple are not actually Satanists. They do not believe in Satan. [That’s okay. Presbyterians don’t believe in a guy called Presbyterius either.]

  • Stick to the liturgy here and don’t go down the rabbit trail of propping up quacks. [I took your advice and didn’t share your comment.]

  • During the first hundred years or so of Christianity, the Eucharist, primarily under gentile influence, evolved from a family meal on Passover, presided over by the head of the household, in which children took part, and in which any stranger was welcome, no questions asked, to the rule riddled event, over which only an ordained pastor can preside, and at which children are not permitted, or, God forbid, any strangers. I cannot find any documentation for this process. Does anyone know of any? The New Testament gives us few clues, except that its references are always about the original Passover meal. Our Messianic Jewish brothers and sister celebrate the Eucharist only as part of the Passover meal. [Calling Hans Fiene and Lutheran Satire!]

  • That, and like other pastors I have known, male and female, mostly male, turned out to be a jerk.) [The pastorettes can’t be jerks. There’s a rule about that.]

  • You are worried about many things... [Thanks for sharing your confirmation verse…]

  • I am going to throw up now. I wish I had eaten a bigger breakfast. Peace and Joy! [Why would you want to have had a bigger breakfast if you’re going to hurl? This must be some kind of Chestertonian paradox. Peace and Joy!]

  • I see unbelievers caring more about their neighbors than you do. Please try being more positive and less negative and hateful. [Three fingers pointing back?]

Larry Beane5 Comments