All congregations suffer lapsed members. Whatever the reason, individuals or families hear the Word and receive the Sacrament one week and then miss the next week. One week turns into two and then three. Months become years. What happened? Where did they go? Calls faithfully go out for their return but go unanswered. Letters are sent but are likely unread and discarded.

Then the day arrives when you bump into them in the grocery store or local restaurant. Greetings are exchanged and the desire for their return expressed. Empty promises from the lapsed break the awkwardness. The Pastor leaves hopeful that maybe, just maybe, he will see them on Sunday.

When that day arrives, he scans the congregation with a bit more zeal as he announces the Absolution, but he doesn’t see them. “Maybe they’re running late,” he thinks. “My glance was so quick that maybe I missed them.” With more time to observe, he stands from the pulpit to proclaim the Word looking throughout the holy place once again. His heart sinks in sadness and disappointment even though deep down he knew the promise would be unfulfilled but hoped that things had changed that time.

This cycle might go on for quite some time, but finally a letter is received. The letter isn’t for a transfer to another Lutheran congregation but for a “peaceful release.” What you had known to be true was finally revealed. The individual or family left the church for another confession.

I’ve always been perplexed by the language of a “peaceful release.” I ask myself, “What is peaceful about breaking Confirmation vows?” “What is peaceful about severing the unity a person has at the Altar of God?” Keep in mind: it is understandable when someone moves and wants their membership transferred to a faithful Lutheran congregation. It’s another when someone forsakes their confession entirely.

I wonder. In a “peaceful release,” for whom is it peaceful? Not the Pastor. Certainly not the congregation. It’s only peaceful for the ones leaving. They essentially want your blessing on breaking their vows. “You understand, don’t you? All of the rest of my son’s baseball team worship together at (fill in the blank). Their worship is so inspiring! I’ve never seen my child so ‘on fire for God.’ We’ll be back once our kids are grown. We’re still Lutheran!” I don’t think so.

You’ve likely heard things like this and plenty of other reasons that people want you to “understand” why they’re leaving and desire a “peaceful release.” It never is peaceful, though. Promises are broken. Pastors and congregations grieve. The only way behavior like this is curbed in any form is to end the language that anyone leaving for another confession is “peaceful.” We need to call it what it is, not in anger or resentment and slamming a door shut for people to ever return, but in revealing the seriousness of leaving the confession vowed never to leave even to the point of death.

If you have the language of removing members by means of a “peaceful release” in your documentation, I suggest talking to your church leadership. Figure out where it came from, why it’s there, and then consider making adjustments to the language to more faithfully reflect the truth. We are called to be watchmen, after all, and faithful watchmen we must be.