I was at the English District pastors’ conference this past week and Bishop Hardy told us that the Council of Presidents of the LCMS received a report that the rostered workers of our synod struggle with pornography and temptations to suicide at a rate of 8/10 and 7/10. I don’t remember which number went with which affliction. I am guessing the porn problem is worse than the suicide problem. Hardy didn’t suggest the problems are related, but I think they are.

After eating the bewitched Turkish delight, Edmund cannot enjoy the simple meal provided by the Beaver familiy. Lewis explains: "There's nothingt hat spoils the taste of good ordinary food half so much as the memory of bad magic food." One of my members recently pointed out to me that Lewis is talking about pornography. Pornography doesn’t simply degrade the man for a few moments in his body, it ruins his mind and soul. Thus the rising demand for Viagra and the self-loathing, dissatisfaction with life, and inability to enjoy simply pleasures that leads to thoughts of suicide.

I don’t think there is any emphasis from the President’s Office or much in the way of resources from synod for these two problems. Their attention is elsewhere. But what if there were resources? What if there were hotlines, fully-funded retreats and recovery centers? Would you avail yourself of them? Probably not. I suspect some efforts have been attempted and they have failed for lack of participation. The English District’s mission exec stands at the microphone at every gathering begging the pastors, workers, and their families to call him, confide in him, to trust him. He swears that anything you tell him is confidential and he won’t tell the Bishop. He says he wants to help and that he can. I believe him. The district has 169 congregations, but I don’t think his phone rings for these things very often.

All of our districts and the synod provide free consultation with mental health professionals at the very least and all of them offer confession and absolution. It is scary, to be sure, but these are good places to start. In fact, even if your aren’t in the English District, you can call Derek Mathers, the English District mission exec. You can find his contact information on the district website. Tell him Dave sent you :). Seriously:, he will take your call. He will keep it confidential. Maybe the distance from your own district will make it slightly easier. In any case, call someone! Get help! Don’t simply keep trying to fight it alone. You’ve tried that repeatedly. It didn’t work.

I suspect there are two obvious problems that keep us from getting help in this regard: pride and cowardice. We are rightly ashamed of ourselves. We need to get over it. As a Confessor, if 80% of your penitents confess the same sin, it ceases to be either surprising or scandalous, no matter how grave it may be. So also if the LCMS is fully tolerant of divorce in the clergy, pornography, even if it wasn’t rampant, isn’t going to be grounds for removal. This isn’t to say that if won’t be difficult and painful to seek help. It will be, but it is worth it.

There is a less obvious problem that needs to be confronted directly: we don’t want to change. We like our sins, our pet addictions. That is a sin that leads to death. Before that eternal death, it leads to a most dissatisfying life, an unfulfilled marriage, and a dysfunctional ministry.

I also think that it will be necessary, eventually, and the sooner the better, to tell your wife. Confess to her. Avail yourself of her counsel, prayers, and comfort. She is your primary victim, so it will be painful, but her vocation is custom built for helping you bear your burdens and live up to your vocation.

So go to confession. Confide in a trusted colleague or two beyond your confessor and beyond your wife. Find a mentor. And then, along with all that, read these books: Wendy and Larry Maltz, The Porn Trap (New York: Harper, 2010) and Healing the Wounds of Sexual Addiction, Mark R. Laaser (Grand Rapids: Zondervan, 2004).

The Grace of Christ cleanses hearts and minds. It changes lives. He recieves sinners. Come out of the darkness. Trust in His mercy. Take the “risk:” and let His Word have its way with you. Life on this side of glory is filled with seasons. Perhaps you are currently in a season of sorrow, of shame, or addiction. It will pass. That is a promise. A little while, and you will see Him again. But most seasons in this life don’t last all of life. Things ebb and flow, they change. That change isn’t always or completely determined by outside forces. You can expect and hope for better. You can find joy in recovery, satisfaction in marriage, and purpose in Ministry.